Just Before.
“The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
on them has light shone.”
“We all tried so hard.” She told me with disappointment seeping from her eyes. The tears were not meant to come, but they forced their way through her words.
We stood in the grocery aisle, carts full of last-minute gifts and wrapping. Christmas was just a few days from us.
She finished, “It was supposed to be a good Christmas this year, but…”
Her words trailed off, and all I could do was to protectively pull her close to me and whisper,
“But it’s not.”
I understood her heart as sure as I felt it beating right up against mine.
“This year, it’s unavoidably not,” I added as I squeezed her close, trying to prevent those public tears from taking over all of us. I wished I could somehow transport her through time and space into a new moment, a moment waiting for her in the future, the place where again, it will be right, light will have broken through her darkness, and she will see hope again.
But I cannot. Instead, I hug her here in the hustle and bustle of our shopping, in her darkest night, in her, just before.
Just before the world was saved by a loving God who decided enough was enough, He was going to come for us once and for all, It was so dark.
The people were dwelling in a land of deep darkness.
Deep Darkness.
I have always, as long as I can remember, been one to notice the just before. Maybe you do too. One of my favorite moments just before is right before it snows for the first time at the end of Autumn. Only twice in my life have I been outside, or aware enough to notice, to be looking for that first snowflake, but they were both absolutely glorious experiences for me. The stillness of the pregnant sky about to let the new thing come, something about that stillness in the air made me look up and wait. And there it was, a single snowflake breaking through the Autumn season, ending what was and bringing with it the season of winter. I felt like a child again, watching that little snowflake acting as if it knew all it was about to do, dancing all the way down, landing on the dull brown soil.
And then the sky broke, and the snow was falling, the entire landscape around me, about to change.
I felt like I had just witnessed a miracle.
Were the Shepherds looking up?
Did the sky hold something precious that night, a feeling that the light was about to break through a world of darkness?
Were they unaware how close they were to the ending of God’s silence? Did they have any idea, in that moment, just before, that they were about to be the first to hear God was now with us?
“ We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.”
I stand here in this hectic store aisle with my friend, just before.
And it is oh so dark.
Maybe this is all I have for her, the ability to be aware it is time to be looking up, for her. To notice the moment, to understand how dark it really is, and to let her heart break next to mine, to remind her that standing with her In the deepest darkness, we may also be standing in the just before.
Maybe that is enough.
